Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
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Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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