Your face is a jimmy john
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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