im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize