dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize