wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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