the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize