i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize