Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize