Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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