I checked into jail on foursquare
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize