I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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