hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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