You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize