I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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