And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
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There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
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He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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