so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
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i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
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My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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