if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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