Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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