the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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