He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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