k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
there's paper in my vomit.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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