You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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