I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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