Plan B is the new Plan A
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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