you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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