my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
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Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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