I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it hurts more in the daytime
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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