covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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