I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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