Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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