I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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