tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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