It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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