are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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