fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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