Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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