It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
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Barsexuality is the new black.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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