im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
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i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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