There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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