I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize