forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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