You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
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You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am available for nakedness
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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