After last night, I could never be a politician.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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