Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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