life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
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I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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