Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
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Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
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Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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