Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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