the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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