If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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