Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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