i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
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I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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